Stop, you're making me blush

A common compliment given to foreigners in Japan (no, I'm not going to talk about one's ability to wield chopsticks) is that they speak Japanese well or very well. The usual line goes like this 「何々さんの日本語は上手です。」　"(Person's name)'s Japanese is skillful."

Anyone who has fumbled their way through a basic conversation short after arriving has undoubtedly been a bit bemused to hear this comment. It doesn't take long until you realize that this is just a space-filling compliment that isn't actually taken to heart ... in fact you may become frustrated hearing this line when you are actually able to speak the language at an advanced level. (I'm at とても上手な, which is a baby step forward). The day that someone calls my Japanese うまい is the day I realize I've been here too long.

Anyway, to the point now! I was teaching my adult English class and did a short intro activity where all the students went around having short conversations with each other. I ran into one of the new students and we talked about our interests and such. She asked me what kinds of things I'd be doing over the next weekend and I said I'd probably spend some time studying Japanese and finishing my homework for my class. In spite of the fact that we had only spoken English to each other in the short time we'd been acquainted the 日本語は上手です line came out as if she couldn't control her own voice. She paused awkwardly midway through when she realized what she was saying but finished the short sentence anyway. To save the situation I gave the まだ下手です line and all was well again.

It would be a crime not to include this song:

Tokyo Police Club - Your English is Good

Oman

On my way to my suburban school this week I had to stop for a red light at the intersection with the main road. There's a large elementary school nearby so there are usually adults posted on the street corners to help the kids cross the road safely.

Now Japanese fashion tends to appreciate the English language and logos of Western companies for their aesthetic qualities more than their actual meanings. The poor grammar and spelling that abounds in Japanese advertising is well documented and commonly known as 'Engrish.'

So, back to the story, one of the women helping the kids was sporting an item that I thought rather inappropriate given her duty. Her black nylon jacket featured a large silver Playboy bunny on the back. The image of this woman embracing a small group of children and escorting them across the intersection was amusing to say the least.

I am reminded of another observation. My junior high school students are very much into having flashy pencil cases and like to display their tastes in music, sports brands, etc. Some students (or perhaps their parents) are attracted simply by the design or the colors so I've seen some pretty strange pencil cases out there. The most surprising are the pencil cases that feature reggae themes and have 'Rasta' or 'Cannabis' and several marijuana leaves emblazoned on them. Japan is a zero tolerance society when it comes to drugs, people (at least around here) are embarrassed about talking about them, and in fact I rarely if ever here anyone joke about them. The last two are probably because the 18-25 years old demographic is nonexistent in my neck of the woods.

I refuse to believe that the parents are unaware of their child's pencil case or what theme of it is. It seems perhaps to be a safe way to look cool and feel rebellious at a young age in spite of the fact that marijuana is almost totally inaccessible and the practice of smoking it is so heavily frowned upon here that probably only 1% of these students will ever try it.

Song of the moment:

God is an Astronaut - Shadows

"The kanji you wrote there isn't exactly the like the correct kanji."

A co-worker correcting a sample poster I'd made for an after school club. One of the better euphemisms for "you made a mistake there" that I've heard in a while.

What do you want to be?

I was assigned the enviable task of spell-checking the desired jobs of my eleven year old students at one school. In some cases I checked to see if there was a better English word than had been provided by a direct translation.

The students had been asked, in preparation of a "what do you want to be?" lesson, to give their dream job titles to the full-time English teacher. After reviewing the list, one job, listed by several students, stood out because it spoke volumes about both the apathy of Japanese youth and the general reality that there are few "ways out" except for those who are exceptionally smart, athletic, or physically attractive. At 11 years old, these students dreamed of being a 'convenience store clerk.'

This is the same part of Japan where relatively young people (late 20s/early 30s) consider working part-time in the retail and food industries as a 'good living' and one that they could see themselves continuing with for a few years. Absolutely no mention of climbing the ladder or going full-time so as to gain a greater measure of financial independence.

A friend once said to me that the bright and talented are given this as encouragement: "if you work hard enough then maybe you can get out of here." Preconceived notions about this country went out the window a fair time ago.

It's unsettling being a guest on a sinking ship. At least my port of call is well short of the final destination.

Song of the moment:

Suede - Obsessions

'Can't Get Enough' came up on shuffle, went through a Suede rediscovery, and now 'Obsessions' is only regular repeat.

Two 20-something year old women walk in my direction, whisper about the tall foreign guy around the bend, and simultaneously avert their gaze in opposite directions when I look straight at them.

A student who normally finds an excuse to run away whenever I try to speak English to her comes up to me after lunch and grabs my upper arm. Surprised, I ask why she did it. The response: "it's my preference."

Left late after work one day. Walk by the outdoor tennis courts near my parking space. A group of third year girls come up to the chain-link fence and we make a brief conversation in English. Before I turn to leave one of them asks me if I have any food and then they all cry out in unison "we're hungry!" School is a prison.

Craving caffeine before doing some shopping around town, I find myself at Starbucks. Drizzling a bit but the crowd outside is decent. Before I can cross the street two of my students sight me and call for my attention. I indulge them in some Japanese conversation for a change and they ask if they can take my picture with their cellphones before I go. Seeing no harm in it, I agree. They stand in the middle of the road to take the snaps, a taxi driver tries to pull out and honks repeatedly at them. They don't move an inch. My exit is swift.

"Which do you like better, cherry blossoms or me?" The only full English sentence by a student all day at the picnic.

The all-time classic: Finished with her worksheet ahead of the rest of the class, a student with advanced English abilities goes to her backpack to retrieve a large Japanese-English dictionary and phrasebook. She consults it for a while and says to the male student next to her "stop touching me you creep!" She neglects to translate the sentence into Japanese. A while later I walk by to check the progress of the other students. The girl turns to me and says, with an innocent smile, "do you make love to your girlfriends?" (note the plural noun)

One of my students writes me that she wants to "make a boyfriend." I am requested to assist in this endeavor.

"Show you" sounds like soy sauce and "people" sounds like a police/ambulance siren. Use of these must be avoided at all costs.

Agreed to assist with basketball club practice one evening. Start time wasn't until 90 minutes after work so I briefly went home for a rest. Came back in my own car (as opposed to the one provided by my employer) and the tennis club girls were shocked to see me step out of sleek grey Mitsubishi station wagon with plenty of years and kilometers to its name. Once the stunning effect of my return had subsided their were cries of "my car? My car?" At least they're trying harder than they ever would in class.

Joined a small class for lunch with several teachers and assistants present also. As always, the conversation naturally turned towards my vegetarianism and I received the usual slew of questions ("Can you eat natto?" "Is rice okay?" "How about grapes?"). One of the assistants spotted my drink, iced tea, and asked why I wasn't drinking Coca-cola. "I don't particularly like cola" was my reply. He had to gather himself for a second . . . "that's not my impression of Americans." "Well, it's because I'm British-American." "Ah" everything had fallen into place. That is now my go to explanation to immediately get out of any conversation involving American stereotypes.

The cover of a notebook that several of my students possess reads: "When I think about the life in my own way I need gentle conversations." Chew on that for a while and I'll see you anon.